#001 Am I really Me?

The dream always starts out the same. Yet, I could have never been prepared for what my subconscious would eventually reveal.
Driving along the winding mountain road, I feel queasy. I am not sure why or even if there is a reason for this feeling. I sense I have been here before. Yet each time I find myself thinking about this road, I realize I am in a different vehicle each time. Yet I am familiar with the route, even though I have no clear destination.
As I continue the climb, it occurs to me I am alone, there are no passengers with me, and the weather begins to slowly change. Or is it the day is giving way to night and it resembles storm clouds rolling across the horizon? Either way, I am sure of one thing, I am alone, climbing this 10% grade and the guard rails are extremely suspect.
At one point I begin to question the stability of the truck--or is it the terrain that has become unstable? I am unable to differentiate between the two and all I am sure of is my forward momentum is slowing.
I flashback to high school in the parking lot when we used to depress the brake while holding the gas pedal to the floor. The smell of burning rubber and wicked screeching of the tires were all I could think of as I pushed the gas pedal further into the floor. The engine RPMs hit 6, 7 then 9 thousand as I inched along the mountain road at 25 miles per hour.
At some point the truck launches forward as if shot from a canon. I feel a THUD on the passenger side, but the sudden acceleration holds my attention as I head into the curve at 50 miles an hour.
As the truck goes into the turn, I have a vision of past dreams...the sudden sway of the front end tells me that this is more than a dream..it is is now my reality..the thud is being replayed in my mind. What I so casually ignored is now in my face. I realize the front right tire is GONE! Did the lug nuts come loose? Were they sheared off? This is my dream come to life. One I have had hundreds of times. I brace myself knowing how this ends. The truck starts to slide to the right, front end first. I am fighting the steering wheel for control, praying to avoid the enviable.
And just as the front end of the truck jumps over the edge and free falls down the mountain...I reach for the driver's door, fighting to get it open...and just as the truck clears the road and plummets for the river below, I bolt out of bed in a cold sweat. Just as I have a hundred times before..
Loewenberg calls this dream of FALLING a “red flag from your subconscious.” She believes this dream is common in people who are having a major life problem with work, relationships, or elsewhere. Grant’s work concurs with this viewpoint, even citing the same examples.
I really should have spent more time getting to know my dreams. Perhaps a few books might have provided insight? I have read that men who dream of balloons are actually thinking of women's breasts? What little I did read about dreams, mostly seemed irrelevant and written by those whose objective was to make a dollar while putting forth little effort.
It was not until December 2018 that the meaning of this dream would be understood. That somewhere within my subconscious, I was dealing with a major life problem I had no idea even existed.
It all started with an Ancestry dot com DNA test. Who'd a thought so many secrets were contained in a vial of spit.